I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
