she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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