So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
