i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
