New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
