I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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