god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
