This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
