Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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