I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
A bitchslap is in order.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
