eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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