The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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