He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
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