I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
