Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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