After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
