my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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