My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
