How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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