my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
