haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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