You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
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