So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
