Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
