I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
