Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
