Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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