i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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