That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
