idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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