Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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