The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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