Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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