He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
