I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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