i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
