jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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