Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
