dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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