i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
