just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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