rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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