I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
