i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
