he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
