So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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