I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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