if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
