dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
