lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
the liver wants what the liver wants
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
