Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
