I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
