Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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