No awkward lesbian experiences without me
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
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I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
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It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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