sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
