I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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