Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
