You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
