I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
