Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
