Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
