if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
