i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
