I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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