a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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