Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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