Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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