Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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