Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
