Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
