ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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