sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize