he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
