You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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