I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
